~ ~ where some see a hopeless end, others see an endless hope ~ ~

Monday, October 07, 2013

October Skies

Oh October.  You’re back again.  I always know you’re coming, and yet, you seem to sneak up on me every year.  My what we’ve been through…

I once talked about having a band.  Not because I had talent to have a band.  But just because I wanted to call it “October Skies”.   (oh yeah right, y'all didn't ever want a band?) Because milestone are measured by things that happen in our lives.  Things that change the way we live.  And it seems like all my milestones happen in … October.

It was in October my parents were born, which… definitely signifies the greater things in life because then they met, married, and had ME of course…

It was in October my sister married her high school sweetheart. (this didn’t change me, I was still kind of a brat back then)

October 7th (*cough) was when I drove into California for the first time to start an adventure of a lifetime.

October marked Planet Hope’s annual Camp for battered and abused women and children, the nonprofit I worked for while in Los Angeles for five years.  The people I give credit to opening my eyes to bigger, better, and greater things in the world.

October hurt me in 2009, as I found out I’d be forced to leave a company I unwillingly gave everything to.

And, yet, it was that same October that became a blessing in disguise.

And as the next October would have it, to the date on the 7th, I finally made the decision to leave a world behind me.  To pack up what was left of me, and cross a bridge I so desperately needed to cross and headed out of Los Angeles for good.

October of 2010 would bring me to Nashville, change my heart, break my heart, heal my heart and burden my heart of everything that was to come in the next two years.

God gave me a vision stronger than I’ve ever felt when he gave me October of that year.

October 2011, He quietly planted a seed in my heart, when He mentioned me living somewhere I’d never been before.

And again, October 7th of 2012 rolled around, and I ran my first marathon.

You see… October has a special place in my heart.  It always has.  And here, in 2013, my October brings me Africa.  It brings me, yet again, new life.  New opportunity.  A new heart, new blessings, opened eyes.

Today.  October 7th.  As I walk to a school to bring creativity to kids who don’t think their world is as bright, who don’t think there’s much out there.  Who haven’t had a chance at more, a chance to dream.   

Maybe today, will be the start to their October…

I didn't get a band.... No.  But I still got my October Skies...

Thursday, February 14, 2013

I’ve Moved!!

Yup.  Words out.

I got a new website.

I figured, since I’m taking the big leap and moving to Africa… I might as well start everything over and fresh.

So you can follow me on my new blog + website at:


Hope you enjoy following my new journey!!

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

My Inspiration Today: For King & Country

Let's face it.  Sometimes, I find myself speechless and I just have to let the song speak what's on my mind.  (HEY.  I said... .Sometimes)

If Love isn't the binding foundation of everything you do, everything you seek, every person you reach and heart you touch... than what's the point?

You can tell me anything you want, but unless your actions show what's in the depths of your heart, your words are empty.

When we go, when we leave... there is nothing that stays behind but the pieces of our Love -- whether shattered or put together and nothing else matters.

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." ~1 Corinthians 13: 1-3

"The Proof Of Your Love"

If I sing but don't have love
I waste my breath with every song
I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise
If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don't have love
I leave a bitter taste with every word I say

So let my life be the proof,
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You and what You're made of
How You lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof,
The proof of Your love

If I give
To a needy soul but don't have love then who is poor?
It seems all the poverty is found in me

So let my life be the proof,
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You and what You're made of
How You lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
Oh, let my life be the proof,
The proof of Your love

When it's all said and done
When we sing our final song
Only love remains
Only love remains

Let my life be the proof,
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You and what You're made of
How You lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof,
The proof of Your love
I pray this song is A.Rae of Hope for some of you.  Thank you For King & Country for the inspiration today...

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

2013's: Word for the Year: CHALLENGE

My Word for 2013:


[chal-inj] Show IPA noun, verb, chal·lenged, chal·leng·ing, adjective.
1. a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc.
2. something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, special effort, etc.: Space exploration offers a challenge to humankind.
3. a demand to explain, justify, etc.: a challenge to the treasurer to itemize expenditures.
4. difficulty in a job or undertaking that is stimulating to one engaged in it.
verb (used with object)
1. to summon to a contest of skill, strength, etc.
2. to take exception to; call in question: to challenge the wisdom of a procedure.
3. to demand as something due or rightful.
4. to expose an organism to a specific substance in order to assess its physiological or immunological activity.
I have a bunch of friends who do this "Word for the Year" thing and since my New Years Resolution was to NOT have a resolution, I sort of thought this would be a good alternative.
      Sidenote: There IS a reason for my non-resolution, to which I will touch on at a later date
As I sat on the airplane from Minnesota to Nashville on New Years Eve this year, I couldn't help but joyously reminisce over my past year. To sound like a broken record, a cliche, unoriginal... it was one of the most satisfying, exciting, maddening, trying, frustrating, amazing, happy, challenging years I've had. The memories I made will be cherished forever. The people I met will all have a deep deep place in my heart now and forever (yes, even you). The lessons I learned, emotions I experienced, and situations I faced have shaped me, even more, into who I'm supposed to become.
And none of it was on purpose...
... So I thought, this year: This clean + new + fresh slate I have in front of me? Let's do it ON PURPOSE. Let's live this year intentionally, wholefully, purposefully. And so it is, my word surfaced:
In 2013, I will challenge myself. I will challenge you. I will challenge those around me and hope to conquer some of life's mysteries set before me with those I love. How? Through 5 different Challenges:
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2
I challenge myself to not conform to society's ways and expectations by being myself and being real in any situation I enter, to face my fears and not back down because it's unfamiliar or unknown. To admit my weaknesses and utilize my strengths. To understand an 'empty promise' and work on conquering those strongholds.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:31
I challenge myself to actually live out these messages. To make the quiet time happen. To actually dig deeper when I don't feel I can, to reach out and learn when I don't know the answer. To abandon my agenda and devote my plan to HIS will. And above all else, to pray and find comfort + peace in Him, always.
"Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." -1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I challenge myself to not give up. To get back on the healthy lifestyle and habits I stray away from so many times. To stop using, abusing, and treating my body like a ragdoll and start living out according to the temple that lives in. And of course -- DRINK MORE WATER! :)
"When people are convinced you want something FOR them rather than something FROM them, they are less likely to be offended when you challenge them." -Andy Stanley, Deep & Wide
In a world where fast pace + chaos trumps peace + tranquility, I challenge myself to FIND THE TIME. To BE present with whomever I'm with whenever I'm with them. I challenge myself to really be the encourager I am, to push people to their best, to protect those who mean the most, to say YES more by saying NO more (it makes sense in my head). To pray over and with my friends. And this year, my biggest challenge: to understand my relational currency with people so that I MAY challenge them to go further, dig deeper, be better, and love harder so that they, too, may do the same to me.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'." -Jeremiah 29:11
I challenge myself in finding the peace that he DOES have a plan for me. That knowing I'm here in the now for a reason, and to live: here in the now. In finding hope that He holds my future, and that I can find rest in today's pleasures and joys all around me. I challenge myself to commit to 100% when I'm in the office, to devote 100% of my heart to the future journey, to bring people on board instead of pushing them away, to consult with those who've 'been there'. To soak up every experience as a learning opportunity. And above all.... TO STAY FOCUSED and MOTIVATED for what's to come...
These things, my challenges. 2013: You're going to be one of the toughest years I've had to date. And knowing what I know, being with who I know, and trusting what I know... i KNOW it's going to be one of the biggest years. Why? Because:


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

You Could Have Series #6: the guy on the Corner

I’m a sucker for blatant honesty.  For no filters.  People who say what they feel.

Disclaimer:  I’m NOT a sucker for honest people who say what they feel without filters that are offensive.

K.  Moving on.

Today, as usual, I drive up to the light on Woodland and 5th.  Same routine.  Usually, one of 4 or 5 guys are there, waving.  Encouraging me to buy the latest “Contributor”  (and for those of you not from Nashville… please research this opportunistic opportunity for those less fortunate).

Granted, I’ll buy one maybe every other month (and now, I’m slowly feeling convicted I don’t buy more). So, I feel like I’ve done my fair share of ‘giving back’.

Today, I thought.  Was going to be no different.

Sure enough…  I drive up to the light and stop behind a nice little sedan.  The man waves anxiously, only this time, Mr. Smiley is holding just a cardboard sign and a Santa hat.  He motions for the man to roll his window down.

He doesn’t.  there is no judgement here, i rarely do either.  “Seriously sir?”  The man doesn’t even look in his direction.

Santa comes closer to my vehicle and motions the same gesture.


However, as he got closer, there was just something different about him.  He walked with a bit of a limp.  He never stopped smiling.  But when he looked at me, I was taken aback by his DASHING brown eyes.  I honestly couldn’t take my eyes of his eyes.  

<And NO people.  This isn’t the prelude to a romantic novel. His eyes really were breathtaking.>

I roll down my window.  He stands a safe distance from my car when he yells out, “I just need 40 cents, just 40.”

Oh, boy did he get lucky that day because… I had FIFTY cents to give him.  Yeah.  I know, I know.  All out Mother Teresa right here.

Uuuuuuugh, it killed me I only had 50 cents to give him, but I did nonetheless.

“Here ya go!”

 <insert sheepish grin>  “Thanks.  and Merry FRICKEN Christmas.”

 *   *  crickets  *  crickets  * * 


I couldn’t help but burst out in laughter!!

So, of course, I Jesus juke the poor fella and say, “Merry Christmas sir.  God Bless You.”

“eeeh… yeah, God Bless.”

End of Scene.

…. Now, there really is no moral to this story.  No happy ending.  No “I Saved the World” or he got saved.  I don’t know why he needed that 40 cents.  I really don’t know WHY this man had such an impact on me!  But HE DID.  The starking look from his gorgeous brown eyes.  His crooked, almost evil, little grin that never left his face.  The little hobble in his step.  His mangled Santa hat.

I remember it all.

His honesty has stuck with me.

Yeah.  He ISN’T having a Merry Christmas this year.  He’s on the street begging for forty cents.  He, and a whole lot of others.  Standing on street corners, just hoping for a little ‘more’ that day.  And by his blatant response to my giving, have a FRICKEN merry christmas?  … It took me off guard, sure.  But it’s because that response that I can’t forget him.  Not now.  Not ever.

So, Santa?  You.  The guy on the corner.  I DO wish you a very merry Christmas this year.  And I pray God DOES bless you.  Today.  Tomorrow.  and forever.

Thank you for your honesty.

You COULD HAVE just said, “thanks”.  But you didn’t.  And I actually appreciated it.

… hopefully next time, I’ll have more than a couple quarters to offer… 

Friday, November 30, 2012

Be A Light

The most inspiring stories, it seems, originate from such strong and courageous people who grow up in struggling childhoods. Who grow up too fast because they don't have a choice. Who, for so long, had to provide for their families because their father may have left the house and their mother is working 4 jobs to make ends meet.  Who are told over and over again that they'll never amount to anything, that they'll never be anybody.

It seems like these people find a dream. They work and they work and they work harder. And it's these people that stick with it until this dream comes true.

And why?

Because they have nothing to lose...

Award winning actors. Grammy winning artists. Star athletes and billion dollar executives.

Now, I'm not saying every successful person comes from broken families or troubled childhoods, but those that have, well... I've followed their stories, I have.  And while, for a minute, I'm truly inspired by their determination and refusal to lose. . . I can't relate.

What about the people that grow up in a family where everything you do, they support.
    Run ins with the police not included. Sibling rivalry excluded.

What about a family with a foundation made from love, built from love, structured from love, and grew from love. The people that woke up in the morning surrounded by laughter (unless there was no froot loops and my their towels weren't heated when they got out the shower), made it through each day with mountains of support and encouragement, and when tough decisions need to be made -- they make them together.

All in.

All for one. One for all.

What about those people? What happens to them?

I mean,
Who, is your constant light when the world couldn't seem darker?
Who begrudginly happily shows up to every high school sports game, is in the audience at every play, and every award night, and every function there was because you can't make up your mind about what you wanted to try.
Who, when just told you want to move across the country not only helps you pack, but drives you the entire way.
Who is a constant source of support (in more ways than one) when you can't seem to pull it together, mistake after mistake, time after time, year after year.
Who holds the reigns just loose enough to let you learn from your mistakes, but tight enough so you won't fail?
Who swallows their fears to not only encourage your new career path, but writes a check to send you into a world unknown.
Who will love you forever, like you for always, as long as you're living, no matter what?
Who just willingly goes out and buys a cart full of Princess Baby Dolls on Black Friday so you can have 'on hand' ready to give to your princess across seas?

I mean, Who does that?

What happens to these people, when as they grow up, they're told they can be anything they want to be. They're told they can do anything they want to do. To dream a dream and work to achieve it.

What happens to them you ask?

They grow up believing it.

and they want to change the world by teaching others to believe it too.
"You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden.
In the same way, let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
Matthew 5:14-16
"We Are"
Kari Jobe

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

November 6, 2012: Election Day.

Today is election day.  Today is a day that every American has an opportunity to take part in who becomes our nation’s next president.

What a humbling thought.

And how far away from it all I feel.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am truly, sincerely grateful for the fact that this opportunity exists for us.  I feel SO blessed that we GET to go to the polls and cast our opinions.  I am honored to live here and have that opportunity.

Yes, I live here…and yet, my mind and heart are elsewhere.

Those kids in Uganda, who are stuck, sitting in prisons for years before their trial, simply because they are orphaned….  where is their voice?

Those kids in Rwanda, who are living in an orphanage with about 600 other children, who may be ‘reunified’ with their families because they want to shut down orphanages…. where is their voice?

The kids in Ethiopia, the ones scraping for food, killing to survive on the heaps of trash that fill the streets of Korah, with no family heritage or inheritance to claim…. where is their voice?

At a time when our nation so desperately needs to come together, to UNITE and stand as ONE… I feel like we couldn’t be further from that truth.  We’re Drifting away, slowly… breaking away from everything we once stood for.:

One Nation, Under God.

We’re too divided.

We’re too objectified.

We have our own opinions but give no grace to others with theirs…

We don’t rally together on making tough decisions, we veto our opposers.

We don’t compromise on things that matter, we fight until our side wins.

This world is OUR oyster.  WE have the power to make a difference as ONE.  ONE NATION.  … with liberties and justice FOR ALL.

At a time when I should feel so patriotic… I feel so guilty that I don’t.

Because my heart breaks for those without even a chance...

Like, where on the ballot does it say, “to help give the 163 million children out there, who would give anything to have a say, to once, and for all….

Have a Voice.

Lord GOD Almighty
"Whoever wins will be my President. I will pray for his well-being, hope for his success, applaud what I agree with, and humbly stand against what I disagree with. In faith, I voted what I thought would be best but I'm very aware I could be wrong. I believe no one comes to power without divine appointment and I will trust the outcome. I appreciate the service of both men. I admire their love for their wives and children. I believe both want was is best for this country and neither are exactly right.” ~(copied from a friend’s status today)

… never have you failed.  never have you lost an election.  You have the final say in every vote that is cast and every box that is checked.  Lord, I pray YOUR voice is heard, that YOUR ultimate will be done.