- “What are you going to eat today for lunch?"
- “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
- “Where are you going to college?”
- “Who are you going to marry?”
- “How many kids are you going to have?”
- “Where are you going to live, what car will you drive, what kind of house, insurance, vacations, school, yard, boat, church, pets, meals, -life will you live???????”
When all I can do is look back on my life and the closest reaction I have to the above is screaming… it’s then that I need to take a step back. And take a deep breath.
And my mission trip to Africa is what finally opened my eyes.
I grew up in a generation of answers and timelines. By HS graduation, you were to know exactly where you were going to school, what you were going to school for, and eventually follow society’s timeline of meeting someone, getting married and having a family. And here it is, my 27th birthday TOMORROW--and I couldn’t be further from ‘figuring it out’. And while, I’m all for it eventually --it truly hit me on my trip that our Timeline as Americans couldn’t be more as an offense or a joke to God’s plan He has for you.
I came back from Africa completely off my rocker. Frustrated. Bitter. Mad at the world…. and yet, not ready to get off the couch to make a change in it. My questions were still unanswered and my confusion for life only grew stronger. My natural streak of impatience came back and I began to scour as I didn’t know what to do next. ….. and the more people I talked to, the more I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
I’ve only been home for 5 days. So, all the emotions that have been stirred are completely natural. And they’re far from being healed. HOWEVER. In these past 5 days of confusion and frustration, I have also learned that--we sometimes just need to put our hands up and let Jesus take the wheel. I DON’T have the answers for what I saw and what I witnessed. I DON’T know where I’m supposed to go with what I did. I DON’T know how God is going to use me now, and I especially don’t know when He’s going to start… But what I do know? Is that through my faith and through my prayers, He WILL lead me in that direction. He IS leading me...
I’m still processing and digesting the trip in all honesty. Some of the things I won’t ever come close to comprehending. Some other things, I’m still in awe over and trying to make relatable. I’m really not trying to sound like an "You petty peasant, I’m better than you, I just came home from a MISSION TRIP.” That’s not it at all! I WANT to talk about it. I WANT you to know. I WANT you to enjoy my experience. So during this time of reflection, I appreciate your patience, your thoughts, and your prayers in my transition back into reality. I know that soon enough I will be able to talk about and blog about more, but until then… I’m just praying for that patience.
I don’t need to lose sleep about my ‘timeline’. And I pray that those reading this don’t lose sleep about theirs, either. God has a definite plan for each of us. And if it hasn’t happened, yet? Well… it’s not supposed to.
Thanks Van Zant for your words today… “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans…"